batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Drunk is a universal language darling
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