wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
