I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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