I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
