I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
