Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
