We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Just high enough for therapy.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
