I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
