I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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