oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
