It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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