Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Randomize
