hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize