Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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