Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
