well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
