guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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