Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
