Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
