I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
