How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
