I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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