There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
