After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
