i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
