After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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