thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
