i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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