I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
