Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
