We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
