every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
