is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I love having hate sex.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
