I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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