shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
