Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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