He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
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