Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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