omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
