I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize