just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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