That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
The feeling are messing with the penis
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
did i just pee glitter
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize