I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I look better un-naked...
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
