my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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