If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
