We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
The feeling are messing with the penis
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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