I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
