My hair reeks of homosexuality.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
