i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
