pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
