Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
