Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
fuck your aforementioned shoe
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
