i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
