I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
