He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize