Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
