i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
