i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
