Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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