Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Why is there bacon in the couch?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
