I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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