Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
