I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
