im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Be still, my beating vagina.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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