I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
