When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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