do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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