some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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