Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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