Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
