I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
