I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
